1.2..3...4....5.....6......7.......8........9.........10..........

Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat, lima...

Teka parang ayoko na..
Back out na lang kaya ako?
Pero minsan naiisip mo ba?
"Ano kaya kung itinuloy ko yung balak ko?
Ano kaya kung hindi ko itinuloy?
May magbabago kaya?
May mag-iiba kaya?"

Oo naman.
Maaaring malaki, maaaring maliit, o kaya maaaring hindi mo lang mapapansin pero ibang iba pala dapat ang "ikaw" na kilala mo ngayon at kung nasaan at anong ginagawa mo ngayon.
Lahat ng ito, nakaugnay sa mga pinaggagawa mo noon, at pati na ngayon sa mga oras na ito.
Bakit nga ba natin kailangang balikan ang nakalipas?
E nakalipas na nga naman, hindi na dapat pinagtutuunan o pinagsasayangan pa ng atensyon o panahon.
Ngunit ang nakalipas, ngayon at bukas ay magkakadugtong sa isa't isa.
Kung ano ka ngayon ay maaaring bunga ng ginawa o naidulot sa iyo ng kahapon; o kaya'y ang ginawa mo ngayon ay maging panuntunan ng kung ano ka bukas o sa hinaharap.
O. Itutuloy mo ba?

Ang ngayon ay nakalipas na..buhat nang mabasa ng iyong mga mata ang salitang 'ngayon'; ipinroseso na ng maliit na tipak ng karne sa ulo mo ang impormasyong nakalap ng iyong mga mata, at ilang segundo na ang nakalipas sa mga sandaling maisip mo ang ngayon.

Hindi mo nararanasan ang NGAYON. Ang lahat ng ito ay nakaraan na. Kasalukuyan pa lamang na ipinoproseso ng utak mo sa isang iglap ng segundo ang NGAYON ay hindi nalalaman ng iyong pananaw na nakalipas na ito.

Ang NGAYON na alam mo ay sangkapat o higit pang segundo na ang nakalipas sa totoong "ngayon" depende sa bilis ng paghimay ng utak mo ng impormasyon.
AT ang nakaraan na mga oras na iyon ay nakakaapekto sa iyong hinaharap sa mga paraan na ni-kailanma'y hindi mo maiisip sa kasalukuyan.

Sa mga nilalaman ng utak mo, sa mga pag-intindi mo sa mga bagay, at sa kung paano iproseso ng utak mo ang impormasyon na nakalap ng mga pandama mo; doon nakadepende kung paano ka kikilos o tutugon, na magbibigay katuturan sa iyong kasalukuyan.

Mayroong mga nagsasabi na kung ano ka ngayon, ay iyon ka rin bukas.
Totoo iyon, ngunit kung iisipin mo, maaari mong baguhin ang magiging ngayon mo na magdudulot sa iyong hinaharap.

Paano?

Unang sampung segundo.
Sa bawat unang sampung segundo, isipin mo na dapat kang kumilos.
Ang pagsisimula ay hindi nagsisimula sa buong isang oras.
Nag-uumpisa ito sa unang sampung segundo na naisip mong dapat ka nang kumilos at sa pagsasakatuparan nito sa mga susunod pang segundo.

Isa.
Dalawa..
Tatlo...
Apat....
Lima.....
Anim......
Pito.......
Walo........
Syam.........
Sampu..........

#

The haunting

Nostalgia by MNCRiami

Here comes the past...

It haunts me with the memories

with the feelings

with the things I did

and of the person whom those things were dedicated to..





There were still a lot of things that person didn't know I did.

A lot of songs that person didn't know I wrote.

A lot of other things dedicated for that person.

BUT... is it really love? Was it really love.. even back then?



Even if I fall for another person..
And whenever I weigh my feelings between that other person and you..
There's always this big difference.
You always seem greater than everyone I met..
And the "fall" isn't always as deep as the one I felt with you..

Oh crap.
Did I fall on one of the dungeons of my mind again?
Yes. Dungeons.

There were lots of dungeons dug and built by the memories of you.
At times, I call them traps, pitfalls.
Sometimes I call them dilemmas.
at times, just some technical glitch in my mind
or some kind of a short circuit in it.

Maybe you're confused.
Don't worry, I am too.
I've just wrote an entirely different emotion-filled diary last month for another person
and yet, now I have written again, but addressed to my past.
Well, as I have always described my mind, it is a labyrinth for me.
A mystery even I can't decipher as much.

I liked you. I wanted you. I loved you.

And now all of it is haunting me again.

All of "you" is haunting me again.

All the other words I couldn't say and I wasn't able to say may be found here..
This song is for you...

Shallow dream

I am at home

you are there

We are so close

We are smiling

We are laughing about things I have forgotten what

My friends come along

they are sniding at you

I don't give a damn.

The scene changed.

We are at the office.

All I can remember is that I am happy

because you have come

because you are there.

You look happy too.

I feel comfortable all those times we are together.

We have not parted even just a second.

And yet it is just a dream.

Open-ended Story

Her parents met in a boarding house
They grew on mutual feelings
They got married
Father went abroad
Eldest brother was born
Father went back home
Elder brother was born
Father went back abroad
They prospered even more
Father went home
She was born
Father never went abroad again
They stayed in the rurals
They lived by livestocks and farm
Life got a little rude
They lived on some average
They were played upon
They were stupefied by 'parasites'
They were forced to leave
They went back to the urban
In the place where her parents first met
Where her life started
She started to learn
She graduated kinder
She started to show up to the world
She realized her talents
She cultivated most of them
She graduated elementary with pride
She started high school a bit shocked
She had adjusted
February 1,2007 her father passed away
.
.
.
.
She was devastated
She almost threw away her life
She lost her drive
Her marks declined
Her rank lowered
She was even more subdued
Burnout, she buried herself in darkness
.
.
.
.
A peculiar person came
.
.
They grew accustomed to each other.
She accompanied her in the dark
She became clingy and obsessed with this person.
The person got exasperated.
The person walked away.
She was left alone in her world.
Darker, it upshot.
Swimming in ebbing weariness, she drowned.
She almost died, but did not.
Came along her confidants.
They gave her heaps of helping hands.
She graduated high school.
She started college.
New life, she thought.
New people, new concerns.
New love, she also hoped.
Love interests came and went.
No one committed.
No one stayed.
Along, her past came back.
She thought she was stronger, but suddenly cracked.
She duelled again with her lovelorn agonies.
She lost.
And she let it be.
She aimed not to care any longer.
She lie low.
Senior year came.
It was all too fast, she recalled.
She examined her heart.
She looked back, not an ache anymore.
Her beloved past showed up.
She mingled.
They grew as real friends and such.
She analyzed things again and all.
She realized she has moved on.
A man she has been acquainted with all along
Came along closer and gave her some songs.
They learned they weren't so acquainted at all.
He brought peculiar lights to her dimmed world.
A companion has found her in her dark-some core.
They talked and talked and talked
Of blabbers, of fancies, and of significant things in this world.
They connected like no one else did, as for  her.
She realized they have parallel worlds.
.
.
.
.
.
They have parallel worlds.
.
.
.
.
Yes they do. But do parallel worlds ever really meet?
That,she does not know. But in geometry, if my memory is right, they never do.
.
.
.
.
He has someone special.
That person is really special.
'Cause she admires her too.
He would really like her..love her, she thought.
No doubt about it.
Because she does like her too, as she is.
She's not into girls anymore, no.
She just really adores her.
.
.
But HE also adore her.
A lot.
And she thinks the girl likes him too.
.
.
.
.
So where did it lead her?
Where is it leading her to?
.
.
.
.
To her inspiration.
It gave her an inspiration.
She accepted it.
It aches a bit on her chest
But only a bit
'Cause she like them both
so what more to do about it?
She doesn't cry for it, no.
She just continued being a friend...
And continues.
She liked it more than what her heart suggests.
She knows her feelings would only lead to futile ends
If she entertained it.
She just drew her fantasies.
She just wrote songs.
She sang her heart out every time aches attack.
It was just an infatuation, she convinced herself.
It wouldn't last, she added.
.
.
.
And yet..
Slowly..
She loses faith in the thought that she would ever find
somebody..
Or if she would ever be found by someone
who's gonna want to stay and never go.
A hopeless romantic, yes, she is.
But somewhat fades in the background.

And yet..

.

.

.

.

It is also too early to quit the hoping and the waiting.

She is still alive.

And the story continues on.

.
.
.
.
.

Blues clues

I couldn't get what isn't mine.

Of course, I couldn't and I won't even try.

So I would just stay still.

There are a lot of things I could do.

I can move on.

I have already developed a lot of defense mechanisms, mostly good, for myself, for the things I get frustrated from.

And I don't interfere most of the time.

I stay silent when I know it is the best thing to do.

And now I would just stay silent about these raging hormones for you.

I would just stay silent until it all subsides.

I would just write songs, you wouldn't know, for you.

That's the best I do.

I'm best at keeping it all.

I could get an award for that. :)

I'm best at pretending.

Pretending that I don't feel anything.

Pretending that you don't affect me at all.

Because that is the best way not to be hurt.

Don't get me wrong.

I actually don't feel any hurt most of the time.

I'm actually happy for you, for the one you see, for the one you like, you love.

Because just like how I admire you, I admire her too.

There are some things about her that I also like and I also feel strange about.

And if there are two people I want to be together in this world, that would be you two.

I just feel that both of you are good for each other.

Just be more responsible for her, okay?

Yeah, I know you wouldn't read this. Well, just in case. If perchance you come across this page and come to get what I was trying to tell you, it is here. It is for you.

You are a good friend. You do things for people, not anyone would even care to do. Maybe that was why I liked you. You are a kind creature, even just for a friend.

What I really do hope now is that we stay as friends. That we could do more things together (as friends of course).

I wanted to travel the country, hike some mountains, hear more beautiful songs--but I wouldn't prefer all that to include you; but of course, if perhaps you wouldn't mind, I would want to. What a silly sentence I just wrote.

Well, where is this letter-like diary leading to?

I prefer it to lead to the bottom line that I am just here for you, as you are, most of the time, there to help me out too.

Thank you for making my life a bit more exciting and alive again, and plus the things I learn from you. :)

Just keep it up. Keep inspiring other people, BUT don't make them all fall in love with you, OH PLEASE. Haha. You're just too easy to be liked. #

Pour Monsieur

Hey Mr. Mister
It might give you the creeps because I admit I'm a creep, but I like you.
Not just the simple infatuation or lust or crush or something as feeble as such..
But I like all that's in you.
And if someone is greater than the sum of his parts, then that would be you.
You are such one of the greatest people I knew.
Maybe I was only sweetly biased, but that's what I see on you in the now.
And I have evidences to support my argument if that is even debatable.

And there's a prideful fact that I know..
I know you like me too--though I'm not sure as to what level that fondness is.
Maybe you like me as me--meaning just another person who you think of as a bit nicer than a stranger.
Maybe you like me as a friend--nothing more nor less than that.
Maybe you like me as a weird bum because I'm a little creep.
But liking me as a person whom you may value more than the aforementioned, just like what they may think, I doubt that a bit much.
Because I don't know what's on your mind.
You actually bewilder me because you laugh at my silly jokes and I don't know if all that is real or you just don't want to embarrass me though I won't be.
You do things for me that I really appreciate more than anyone else could (I know you're just a kind creature).
You feed my ego a lot of times..
You also appreciate the things I'm fond of.
We're almost alike and I almost wanted to hate you for that..
because it makes me think that we're destined for each other--what a silly phrase, I know.

And this revelation may either give you the chills like a frightened kid (or just a disgusted socialite), or feed your ego too. But well, it's true.
And yeah you're not really that furry and definitely not fluffy, but I really think of you as such because I wanted to hug you (aha! another icky reaction)..
But don't give a damned malicious reaction on that.
I just really wanted to hug you to prove myself that you're real.  
Because it's not always that you meet somebody so especially awesomely-weird that you want to be with, for keeps, for a lifetime.
It's not as shallow as a biased and almost limited romantic love would be; or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic; but if you get me, what I would like to mean is that...
I am so fond of you that I want to be close to you as much as you would allow me to.