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| War of heart and mind by MNCRiami |
Here again..
Sitting in
this tiny room, reveling with the sound of raindrops seemingly dropping atop my head..
In this rainy dawn, in the comfort of some warmth left inside me,
I’m cherishing with the thoughts of you..
When someone
asks me, “Do you still love that person?”—even without mentioning a name, or
any other, all my mind could come up with was you.. and I would say no.
But why in
the first place would I think of you
and even say
no if you're not the one in my mind anymore?
It is
stupid, yes.
It is more
than stupid just trying to articulate these things about me that involve you.
It is even
more like an imbecile just thinking of you and how I felt and feel about you.
Years have
passed.
People have
come in and out of my life entertaining me as they go,
saying
things that I wanted and I hoped for;
though not the
things I wanted and hoped for from them, but from you.
We have been
in a great distance from each other for many years, but whenever I see you, even
just in the virtual reality created by technology, and every time we come in contact with each other, it
seems like we did not part at all.
You’re still
you.
It’s like
you never changed the way you treated me, then and now.
Yes you
never changed how you treated me... still just like an old friend whom you
value... but it was just not the same for me, even now.
I loved you,
and I know you never felt the same as I did even when you told me you loved me
before, and I've known it all along...but I've felt you--for at least you tried...
and now I’m
confused if I still do love you or if it was just a trick played on my mind by my own heart..
I talk to
you and mingle with you casually just like a close friend will do, but every
time, every time you look at me the way you do, my mind falters.
Remember
when I sang for you?
My heart
skipped some beat.
My fingers went
a little numb.
And my voice
failed some notes and tried hard to harmonise with my mind.
I almost
dropped my poor guitar.
And I STILL don’t
know why.
Why, out of
all those people who came in and out of my life who told me they love me or
care for me, it was only you who made me feel this way for so long.
Even without
saying such things, even with just appearing on my doorstep,
even with
just looking at me in the eye, even without much effort, you could make me feel
like it’s the first time I fell in love.
Those worn out
and direful used up expressions of love come into mind and literally happens.
My heart
races then stops.
My mind goes
blank, like in a state of shock.
I get
butterflies in my stomach.
I even shiver and even have to struggle just to
put up an unaffected expression whenever you’re around.
Here, inside my nostalgia, I'm relishing the remaining pieces of memory you left behind.. you left in my stubborn heart.
And I hope this stubborn heart backs down and harden up..
I want you out..
I want you out of this heart and mind..
