The First

They say that the first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.

I admit, I had fallen in love once… But it was an extraordinary love (for me).

Yeah all the same, we also started as friends then got so close and the next thing I knew I was deeply in love.

But what is not ordinary is that we are in the same gender.. I never even thought that I'd fall in love with her. She was a girl/femme/lesbian or what ever they call it. And I was an overstated innocent high school student. And a time came that it just all changed.

It was so intense that I didn’t know at that time that the things that I was doing for that person were too much and that I had become too pushy in some aspects.

The whole period of time I spent with that person was life changing.

I had a lot of firsts though all of those things were premature.

First time I have experienced a totally different world from what I was only acquainted of at that time.

First time I had weird sensations of butterflies running my whole body and making me weak every time that person holds even the slightest strand of my hair or caress my hand… Small things like that could set my mind in feasting chaos back then.

First time someone who’s not a part of my family hugged me like hugging even my core that I even felt warm and secured.

First time someone I really loved actually loved me back though not in the same intensity I did.

We just had it for a little while... or I guess it was just me who had it in a little while… But it really left a deep mark in my life.

Now it has been four years since then, but I still don’t know when I really fell out of love or just let that person go and let myself move on.

So… did the feeling go away?

Yes and no?

I think the things I felt back then was just a memory now that I unconsciously or consciously go back to from time to time—every time something makes me remember them.

Did I really fell out of love?

That.

I did not know.